Trey&Katy

If you had the displeasure of sitting through the first Expendables movie then PLEASE wipe that experience from your mind. Because Expendables 2 is what it’s predecessor SHOULD have been. A super-sized, 80’s action style throw back flick that is big, brutal and  well to be frank, bad. Paper thin, colour by number’s characters acting out a dot-to-dot script.  BUT, sometimes you can have a good time at a bad movie.

Okay look, I’ll be honest. Unless director Christopher Nolan had a snifter of one of Scarecrow’s toxins and subsequently decided to put Val Kilmer back in as Batman, use anatomically correct bat suits complete with cod pieces and Bat nipples a la Batman & Robin and write dialogue circa 1997 (MR FREEZE: “Let’s kick some ice!” ) then I was always gonna love this movie.

“There was absolutely nothing about that movie that I liked.”  – my wife. Ouch. I guess I gauged that wrong when I gave my wife the hard sell to watch it. Here’s the thing though – I LOVED IT!

This movie should not work. 80’s remakes of TV shows almost never do:  The Dukes of Hazard? Nope. Starsky & Hutch? Had some moments (mainly with Will Ferrell). The A Team? Meh.   Miami Vice? Well, yes. But only because it really had nothing to with the TV series and I would full on mouth kiss any of Michael Mann’s films.

BUT 21 Jump Street works.

Teen Angst + You Tube + Superpowers = Chronicle

Man I hope that no one makes a ‘found footage’ movie from any of my cameras and phones. It would just be a Potter length saga of my kid’s birthdays & ‘fun days out’. Even I fast forward through most of it – and they’re MY kids. Luckily for us, the people who decide to start documenting their lives on camera are the same people that bat shit crazy things happen to. What are the odds.

When I was a kid, skipping school to a watch a movie was the highest honour that we gave a film. Strangely this only happened twice. (I was mostly a good kid.) Once in 1998 for Jean Claude van Damme’s Bloodsport. And again in 1990 for Pretty Woman. With Julia Roberts as a hooker I thought we’d see lot’s of nakedness. Ironically we saw more nudity in Bloodsport.

A pretty good B-movie dressed in A-List clothing.

Special Ops ‘Mallory’ (Gina Carano) executes a good operation that’s somehow gone bad. Then something, something set up; then something something find the truth. It doesn’t really matter. As it’s the something, something, Mallory goes all Bourne berserker- that you’re really interested in.

There haven’t been many movies that have centered on New Year’s Eve. And there’s a good reason for this. That reason is you get movies like New Year’s Eve. It is pants.

Last night I fell in love with Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, like hundreds of guys before me, I knew it would be doomed from the start – but such is the power of Marilyn – that she has the power to break hearts 50 years after she died.

I like gladiator movies.

Though, not in the ‘Airplane’ way:  “Joey… Do you like movies about gladiators?   … Joey … did you ever hang around the gymnasium?”